TLC
by m3la
Summary: 'Cuddle therapist' and 'L' shouldn't really be in the same sentence together. AU is what it says on the tin. [Based on prompt; now extended, crackish]
1. Version 1

**So, this is... a thing. It happened because of a prompt generator my friend linked me to that had the prompt 'one of the characters is a cuddle therapist', and it was pretty hard to stop myself writing it. I couldn't decide who would be funnier for the prompt though so I wrote a oneshot for each.**  
 **(old computer is currently broken and I can't get at my files. I won't be able to update Missing Letter until then, because I already wrote a fair bit for it. I will also probably cry if I end up losing all the other things I've written as well. Sorry about that .A. ...)**

 **Note: There are references to L File no.15, the bonus manga chapter.**

* * *

"You've... you've _what_?"

It was extremely rare for L to lose his composure. To be fazed at anything. But when it came down to it, that _anything_ referred mainly to the depths people could sink to in their cruelty. It referred to the capability he had to make tough decisions and to hold in disappointment when things came to an unfavourable verdict. When something that could have been prevented was not.

Even needing to take vitamins had eventually become a manageable routine.

It did _not,_ however, refer to…

"I have scheduled you an appointment with a... physical therapist of sorts," Watari resupplied, unflinching in his stance or manner. "L, this has gone on far enough and I believe it would be beneficial for you."

L held back a very childish pout as he narrowed his eyes, waiting for the continuation.

"You are constantly overworking yourself; you are stressed, you are in terrible physical shape, you hardly allow yourself a decent rest, and... you are extremely adverse to contact with any human being other than myself. L, your appointment with the cuddle therapist is in about an hour."

L just about jumped out of his seat, and there was a _clink_ against the tile as he dropped his teaspoon. "...Watari," he began calmly, "this is not going to happen."

However, the old man stood his ground. "I think you'll find it will, seeing as if not then you shall be living off tofu for a month." Watari took a moment to smile knowingly at his charge's horrified reaction before continuing. "I believe you need something like this, seeing as the last time anybody attempted even to hug you, you just about knocked them all out and claimed they had attempted to attack you. You cannot hold these sorts of boundaries for your entire life. And henceforth I am putting my foot down."

L hugged his knees closer into himself and shifted back in his seat as if attempting to build a protective fort around his body. "I reaffirm my previous statement. This shall not happen, by one means or another."

"I know all of your hiding places, L, and have left snacks inside each and every one in preparation for such an outcome."

Defeated, yet not quite ready to accept it, L growled in frustration.

"The session does not have to be longer than forty-five minutes at the minimum. Just, please, for my sake, do not attack this person. At least try to be agreeable. You will, of course, be meeting at his apartment about a half hour away from here."

L blinked. He'd been expecting the therapist to be a woman. Oh well, perhaps a man would be less creeped out by him.

…Then again, with his _strong_ penchant for eye contact…

"...And I'll have a deluxe strawberry sundae waiting here for you by the time you're back."

Sinking down dejectedly, the world's three greatest detectives accepted his fate at last.

* * *

The drive was silent and tense. L sat with his knees drawn up tight to his chest, looking out of the window, feeling his pulse pick up with each further street they passed.

Nobody had even touched him yet, and he was already acting so defensive. How was he going to stay... attached to another person for over half an hour? What a horrible waste of time. And he would have to be on a bed, too... or a couch. It would hardly be comfortable.

But it was the price he had to pay to evade the wrath of his custodian, so it seemed. And L knew how bad said man could get when he really wanted to go all out. But still, even that thought really didn't make the idea of being forced to play stuffed animal to a sweaty stranger for an hour seem any more appealing.

L took a deep breath... He was trained in torture resistant techniques. Perhaps he would just have to consider it an extension of his training. But now that he thought about it, maybe if it had been a cute girl he'd be cuddling up with...

The car stopped outside an apartment complex, Watari handing him a card with the details of the appointment on it, including the flat number. Feeling that experienced, hawklike gaze on him as he got out, just daring him to try and make a run for it, L swallowed the lump in his throat and sheepishly turned towards the door. He pressed the buzzer and there was a voice at the other end - amicable, smooth like honey.

"Ah, Ryuuzaki-san, right? ... I'll be down to meet you soon."

L was left standing there, unsure what to make of his first impressions - that voice sounded much different than what he'd been expecting, and -

The door swung open, and standing across from him was a surprisingly young man in casual clothes, beaming at him with a smile like sunshine that filled L with an inexplicable warmth. His eyes were carefully crinkled at the edges as he did so, however, and L could tell that it was all fake; this was completely rehearsed – and that warmth quickly chilled into ice. His hair was very tidy, showing he cared a great deal about making it appear that way, which L might have remarked on as being very stupid considering his chosen profession if he hadn't been busy oglin - _profiling_ him.

"...Ryuuzaki-san...?"

Oh. L brought his eyes back up again to the face those legs belonged to and blinked uncertainly. The man was staring back at him, looking a little... unsettled, but clearly trying to hide it out of that aforementioned practiced politeness. Surely he was used to stranger customers in a service like this? Ah well, it didn't matter. In fact, if he could scare the guy off before he had to touch him, that would be brilliant. Then again, after he'd actually _seen_ him…

The other bowed slightly. "My name is Light - it's fine just to call me that. Would you like to come inside now, Ryuuzaki-san?"

L glanced behind him, and Watari rolled down his window in the distance, training on him with a hefty sniper rifle. Hiding a very real spasm of fear, L turned back to Light and quickly nodded in agreement. "...Yes."

"You're just about the first person to not question that, you know. It's my real name."

"Oh. Am I?" Well, considering the strange names he was used to... It wasn't really fair to judge or assume. People with stupid names had to stick out for each other, it seemed.

"You'll find I don't judge." L took another small glance behind him before quickly heading to the door. "...Now let's go inside."

* * *

The apartment was just as clean and tidy as Light himself. Although it was obvious some effort had been put in to make it seem 'homey', such as the multitude of pillows and admittedly-comforting vanilla scent in the air, the place looked like it had fallen out of a catalogue. It was a very impersonal place; though perhaps only L ever cared to notice, seeing as his observational skills were more than a cut above the average cuddle therapy client. In any case, it was no good being unnerved by this man already, considering he had to spend the next forty-five minutes with him at the bare minimum. Even so, L knew it was impossible to turn his overactive mind off, even for a case like this.

"Ryuuzaki-san?" Light tapped gently at his shoulder and he stopped surveying the room. The other was giving him a very patient smile. "Are you ready to start yet?"

Well… no, not really. L blinked, unsure what to do. If he made a big fuss and declined, he'd just get kicked out and Watari would find someone else until he finally went through with it. And what were the odds of him getting matched up with someone who looked like this a second time?

Despite that worrying gut feeling.

 _Being unable to turn my instincts off aside_ , L thought to himself, _I do think that attempting to psychologically profile your average cuddle therapist would prove fascinating, if not disturbing._

"...Yes. I am." L stared blankly into space, forcing the words out of his mouth. "I am ready."

He made sure to make close eye contact for this next one.

"To _…cuddle."_

Light's eye twitched slightly, but he did not look away. "...Where would you feel most comfortable to lie down?"

L scanned the room. There were two couches and a large beanbag in the corner, where several blankets were piled up. He decided to do what he did best - being a piece of shit. "...Can Light-kun not guess?"

"I… excuse me?"

He looked to the ceiling, tilting his head. "As a professional cuddle therapist, surely it would be his job to know just at a glance where someone would prefer to relax." L's eyes locked back on the other's in a challenging gaze. "Or am I in the midst of an _amateur?"_

Light's polite facade dropped and his eyes narrowed for a second. "Well, if you want my honest opinion, Ryuuzaki-san…" he replied, slowly grinning, "I'd guess you want the beanbag because you looked at it for a much longer time. You look like the kind of person who would find that comfortable."

"Correct, although I would prefer to sit alone on one of the couches there if it was really up to me."

Light blinked oddly at L as he started walking over to the beanbag and awkwardly crouched down in his usual way.

"...Ryuuzaki-san, that isn't a very easy position to relax in."

L promptly allowed himself to fall with a thump onto his side, still bundled up in the same position. Maintaining it like this really was a skill that he had honed.

Light sighed and made his way over as well, sitting down on the other side – leaving as far a distance between them as possible, L noticed with triumph. "Are you uncomfortable?" Light asked him, not really convinced. "Is this difficult for you at all?"

Well, at least the guy wasn't completely stupid. He decided to spill. "...I am not here because I want to be, Light-kun."

Light blinked again.

L continued. "I'll be honest with you here; I was put up to it. I want to lie here being spooned by you for an hour just about as much as I want to quit my job and become a vegetable farmer in southern China."

There was silence for a little while. "...Well, guess what?" Light suddenly sneered. "I don't particularly want to be doing this either," he bit out, finally allowing his irritation to show; such harshness in that normally-sweetened voice, and somehow L found he had little complaint. "I studied criminal justice and law in university, for crying out loud - only for everything to fall through after a week on the job and my sister manages to land me another one out of pity. She didn't tell me what it was before I agreed! It was her idea of a joke!"

L's heart fluttered slightly hearing that and he hardly wanted to acknowledge why.

"Then it seems that we are both unwilling to cuddle each other, Light-kun. This arrangement more than pleases me." Well… that may have been a _little_ bit of a lie, now.

Only a little.

Light sighed, folding his arms. "Listen, whether you want to or not, I need the money, and we have to do _something_ for at least forty-five minutes."

"Perhaps I could just sit on your chair instead, then. I'm good at sitting still for a long time. I won't even talk. It will be as if I am not here, and I can promise no judgmental comments as you sit down and Instagram your coffee."

L did feel a little bad for turning the other down, though. He'd figured that it wouldn't have actually been so bad if he _did_ have to get cuddled. Not that he wanted to! _Certainly_ not. It was just that if he _had_ to pick somebody to do it in the event that it was inevitable, he would not have minded this particular person.

Okay, he wouldn't have wanted _anyone_ but this particular person.

It was only just now, in fact, that he was properly seeing what he had missed before, concealed behind that polite mask: a quiet, intriguing intelligence in those eyes that now had him kicking himself for second-guessing.

"Well, I have nothing else to do."

L thought things over for a little. "...Alright. You can do it."

"...Hmm? What?" Light's genuine surprise soon gave way to amusement in the form of a slight half-smirk.

"You can…" L stumbled a little as he tried to form the word in his mouth. " _Cuddle_ me. But only slightly."

"Slightly? What do you mean by that?"

"On a scale from _air-hug_ to _post-coital embrace,_ somewhere near the former end."

Light sighed. "Alright, but I'll need you to lie down properly."

L froze. Yes, he'd have to do that… Slowly, he uncurled himself, feeling much more exposed and vulnerable. He turned his face away and buried it in a pillow, deciding to just let the other get it over with.

He felt, gradually, Light's body beside him shuffle closer; the shifting of the beanbag, and couldn't suppress a flinch as he got closer and closer to him. Soon he could feel Light's body heat in close proximity before they even touched at all and L nearly curled back in on himself, bringing his legs about halfway up before arms wrapped around him and held him in a loose embrace.

"...There. Is that 'slightly' enough for you?" The words sounded somewhere near his ear, and he only just suppressed a shiver.

 _...Enough_. No, it wasn't. Now that it had happened, L realised he wanted to be even closer, he wanted more of that warmth. But he didn't dare make a move himself out of his own fear, face still hidden.

But somehow, it was as if his mind had been read, because the other pressed closer, wrapping his arms round him tightly. Light's face was buried into his neck, and L was overwhelmed by his clean, fresh scent. He could tell the exact shampoo he used by the smell. The other's hair tickling his neck made his skin prickle at first, defensive instincts flaring up, screaming at him to lash out and push him away. L squirmed uncomfortably, trying to curl up again, heart pounding, the back of his neck heating up, palms becoming clammy. He was aware of his breathing having quickened, and could do nothing but stare blankly. Slowly he felt Light pull away and gently hold his shoulders, and then he was turned to face him.

"Breathe," Light instructed. "In and out. Stay here." Fingers started rubbing gentle circles on the small of his back and slowly, slowly L calmed down from his panic attack, eyes refocusing and looking into Light's. That gentle motion was proving mesmerizing and he then closed his eyes, curling into a ball and settling down comfortably, smiling. Then another hand found its way into his hair, making those same motions, and L purred low in his throat, leaning his head into the touch.

Slowly, the hand on his back trailed upwards, now making massaging motions along his spine, coaxing it to relax. L quickly melted under the touch, letting out a small, contented sigh. This really wasn't so bad at all. If only he could somehow work at the same time… he was wasting time like this… But L realised that right now, he just didn't care.

Just before he drowned in sheer relaxation and drifted off to sleep, he felt soft lips brush his forehead.

* * *

"He had to carry you to the car after I called. I was worried you were staying too long; that you'd escaped out the window or something. Surprise surprise, hmm?"

The 'session' had, in fact, gone on for exactly two hours and thirty-four minutes.

L was silently eating his strawberry sundae with his best poker face in place, trying very hard to not look at the person who'd got him into this unfortunate mess in the first place.

"Wasn't that bad at all, then. I'll wager you'd like to reschedule."

L spluttered. "What makes you think that?" The ice cream was cold, but somehow it was proving unable to cool down his constantly-burning face.

Watari raised an eyebrow, sending him a look out of the corner of his eye as he focused on his phone at the same time. "L, you actually fell asleep in the presence of another person who was not me and without the intention to try and play dead. Yagami-kun told me that you enjoyed it very much."

L stabbed the cherry off the top of his sundae and crushed it between his fingers, the hint of a smile on his face as it made a sickening _squish_. "That would be because he is conspiring against me now that he thinks he has found my weakness. He cannot be trusted."

"L, I doubt you raised much of a fuss. He seems a very nice young man. Dare I admit that were I fifty years younger, I'd want a little more than a hug from him."

L's smile froze. "…Watari, please invent something that will erase what I just heard from my brain forever."

There was a _clack_ as the old man closed his flip phone with a beaming face. "Second appointment next Saturday."

L silently grumbled.

 _Forget that university degree. Soon, Light Yagami would be laughing all the way to the bank._


	2. Version 2

**This one has sorta somewhat of a plot! :0 And... parodying the tennis episode, because it makes everything better for some reason.  
**

* * *

This was going to be, in a word, humiliating.

He was working on a high-profile case for God's sake, the last thing he needed was any distractions in his schedule. But out of nowhere, everyone had suddenly insisted that he was too stressed out recently – okay, first of all, absolutely _anyone_ could have the sudden compulsion to punch a laptop – and needed someone to help _'calm him down'._

And so, Light had unceremoniously discovered that he'd been signed up for a... cuddle therapy appointment. Yes, that apparently existed. You learn something new every day, but usually it didn't have to come at the expense of your utter misfortune.

As he drove up to the location of said appointment, which was a fancy-ass apartment in the centre of the city, Light felt nerves twist up his stomach. This really was going to be extremely awkward. Refusing after it had already been paid for, by his superior no less, would look very rude. At least it was only going to be forty-five minutes.

Of course. Manners – his Achilles heel.

Soon, Light arrived outside and got out of the car, going up to press the buzzer. After going in, he started searching for the door number. It was right up at the top, so he took the lift.

Once inside, he inspected his reflection for a moment, suddenly worrying over his appearance.

Light wasn't exactly sure what you were meant to wear for this kind of thing – sure, pyjamas would obviously be the most comfortable, but he couldn't feasibly go out in public wearing them. And this was hardly a formal appointment, so turning up in a suit was right out. He'd just thrown on a casual outfit, but had actually fussed for quite a while over his appearance, more than usual.

It wasn't like he was turning up to a date or something, seriously... God, would the therapist try and get him to talk about his _feelings_ or whatever it was cuddle therapists did? He'd done a little preliminary research and found that was mostly what they did. Well, they'd be disappointed to find that he, in fact, did not have any. Light figured his blood had more or less replaced itself with liquid caffeine a long time ago. You could perform open-heart surgery on him and all you'd find would be a shitty IOU.

Annoyed with his hair all of a sudden, Light spent the elevator ride trying to fix it, becoming increasingly unhappy with each consecutive attempt before it reached the top floor and he glanced over at the opened door like a deer caught in the headlights, realising how silly he'd just been being. Straightening himself out and smoothing out his clothes, he took a deep breath and walked out, spotting the door across the hall.

Stopping outside it, he was about to reach out and knock, but the door swung open before he could do so. Light jumped as he saw who was standing there, and instantly double-took, checking the card to make sure he'd got the right number. And well, lo and behold…

Slowly, resignedly, Light looked back up at the specimen from which his eyes had so quickly recalled in horror. A hunched, spindly man pale as a ghost with a disorderly mess of black hair who wouldn't look out of place trying to eat small children in Pan's Labyrinth. Was a cuddle therapist supposed to stare at you like you'd just made eye contact in a public bathroom? The strange appearance of this man was enough to surprise Light for long enough that it took a little while to actually register his surprise at it being a man at all; he'd mostly seen pictures of dumpy middle-aged women when he'd done his research.

Well, there were admittedly worse professional contexts to meet this man in: this wasn't a prostate exam. Then again, that would arguably require _less_ physical contact…

 _Glass half full, Light! Glass half full! Be… optimistic about this._ Light attempted to console himself. _You've been trying to do that recently. Er… at least… he's not old._

The man grinned, pressing a long finger against his mouth. "Hello, Light-kun," he greeted, extending out a hand. Well, he did seem foreign at least, which could explain this sort of introduction… Light reluctantly shook it, putting on a polite smile, and was infinitely glad that to find it wasn't sweaty. "You may call me Ryuga. Or Hideki, perhaps, if you are feeling especially _intimate._ "

It was impossible _not_ to physically recoil after hearing that. "Uh, sure… Ryuga-san."

"You may come in." 'Ryuga' (had to be a fake work name) turned and led Light back into the apartment. The first thing that struck him was how many pillows were scattered everywhere - which was kind of to be expected, but there were so many it really seemed like overkill. The air smelled faintly sweet, and he noticed a half-drunk cup of tea on the table beside a near-empty sugar pot. However, he was snapped out of his observation by the other's voice.

"Now, where would Light-kun like to _cuddle?"_

What... what the hell was that look all of a sudden? Ryuga was staring, but it could hardly just be called that. Those mirror-like black eyes were hard, fixed completely on his own. There was nothing else it could be seen as... other than a direct challenge. But why a challenge? Confused and conflicted, Light felt his chest tighten as the other issued this glare, clenching a fist slightly at his side and narrowing his own eyes in return. It wasn't like it could be explained, but... it had set off his natural competitivity, and the last thing he was about to do in a humiliating situation like this was lose in some stupid game.

Light searched those eyes, trying to find a hint of what this could be about. There was something about the other's air that seemed almost amused. The hint of a smirk at the edge of his lips as he pressed his thumb to them.

Perhaps... perhaps Ryuga could tell that he was secretly somewhat nervous. That he was hardly interested in lying down with some stranger - no, that he was _scared!_ _That_ must have been what Ryuga was thinking!

 _Well,_ Light growled inwardly, _if that's the case, then I'll show him, alright. I'll prove him wrong. I'll win this little game, Ryuga._

 _Where would Light-kun like to cuddle?_ This decision had to be made carefully. If he said the couch… would he look like he was backing out, afraid of intimacy? But if he said the bed, maybe he would seem too eager…

"I know what Light-kun is thinking," Ryuga said, shunting Light out of his thoughts. "He would like the bed, because of the swiss roll-shaped pillow."

Shit! This guy was sharp. He couldn't let anything slip through now. "Yes, you're correct," Light begrudgingly admitted. "Impressive, Ryuga."

Ryuga blinked. "I am a professional."

Light went over and sat down on the bed, and Ryuga soon joined him, bringing over a fluffy blanket… before proceeding to perch like a hawk on the edge of it.

"Light-kun, please get comfortable." Thinking back to earlier imagined contexts, that was just about the last thing Light wanted to hear this guy say. Realising he was lying flat on his front, he rolled over very quickly, willing away the sudden heat from his face.

Ryuga was looming over him like a gargoyle, all sharp angles and hunched posture. Would he be as cold as stone too? Just about the least comfortable person to attempt to... _cuddle_ with.

"Now, please tell me:" he asked in disturbing monotone, "Would you like to be the big spoon or the little spoon?"

Shit. If he went for big spoon, Light would be admitting he _liked_ this, despite the relative control it would afford him. But if he went for little spoon, he would also be admitting to being comfortable enough to be around Ryuga, and put him in the position of control as well… There was seemingly no way to win.

Ryuga's dark eyes were scanning him, undoubtedly searching for hints of weakness. Hints that he was, in fact, _a little spoon._

In one swift motion, Light moved forward and grabbed Ryuga, pulling him into an embrace from the front and causing him to topple down onto his back.

Light hid a victorious smirk at the look of shock on the other's face. _My plan is perfect, Ryuga. Like this, we're completely even. Now… we will both cuddle each other. He who attacks first is the winner._

"Ah. Exactly what I was expecting. Light-kun prefers the honeymoon position." Ryuga's surprise quickly faded and he tapped at his mouth contemplatively, eyes gleaming.

"Yeah right," Light scoffed at him.

But that challenging look was back, more piercing than ever. "My cuddling level is without peer," Ryuga insisted. "In fact, I am the best cuddler in the world. Light-kun, you cannot beat me." Ryuga pulled the blanket he'd brought over them, tucking it carefully underneath. "Light-kun likes blankets tucked in like this, to keep in the heat, and becomes exceptionally grumpy when his feet are not covered. Furthermore, he is trying to cover up the fact that he wants to be the little spoon."

...How did this guy know that? Had he gone out of his way to ask his dad about the blanket? There was seriously no other explanation. Light forced his face to remain cool at that senseless accusation. "No, Ryuga, that's not true. But if it's what you want to do, I won't say no."

Ryuga grinned and turned Light over, practically clinging to him with all his limbs, pressing his face into his shoulder. He smelled faintly sweet… or was that just the room, with all the sugar littered around? Like soap and strawberry-scented fabric softener. Light was ready to be dug into by pointy bones and cold skin, but found it was, somehow, completely the opposite. Despite his clingy position, Ryuga was actually very soft and warm. It was like he generated heat, forming a cushion with his entire body. Even his hair was soft, and –

This was no good! Light couldn't allow himself to lose to this asshole! He couldn't even pretend he was enjoying this! He squirmed awkwardly, but slowly stopped upon realising he could feel the other's heartbeat against his back.

Ryuga's low tone mumbled by his ear. "I hear that Light-kun has been very stressed at work recently, particularly due to his new boss." Wonderful. The others must've told this guy…

L was _demanding,_ to put it lightly. At first, he had been fascinating to work with. Light would find himself challenged by him at every turn, and he'd get given even more work than the others. And at first, he didn't mind this at all. Light was grateful for the work and attention, feeling more valued and motivated to get all of it done. The two of them actually got on very well, and even went on to talk outside of the case. Until recently, that was.

Somehow, Light had deluded himself into thinking they had become friends.

...Only to be turned down spectacularly when he'd asked if they could meet in person. And since then, it had been pure torture to go on talking with him every day like nothing had happened.

It hurt more than it should have. He knew he should have been expecting that reaction. But the truth was, he'd stupidly let himself develop something of a crush… and those words had been like knives to the gut.

"He's an asshole, more or less," Light grumbled.

"Perhaps he's stressed too," Ryuga suggested. "Or maybe because his co-worker is so cu-."

Light cut in, too angry to have properly heard what the other was about to say. "No, he just enjoys being a dick and doesn't give a shit when he clearly hurts someone." He was too angry now to take their 'game' seriously anymore.

Ryuga tensed behind him and Light felt his frown. "Perhaps… try to consider things from his point of view. I'm sure he'll make it up to you…" Ryuga then squeezed him slightly and pressed his face deeper into his neck, hands finding Light's own and gently tracing over them. "Massage?"

Light blinked. "Uh… Do what you want, I guess."

And Ryuga's skilled fingers started massaging his palms, making his nerves tingle and heat up like a fire. After that, they moved on to his knuckles and joints, and he sighed. They were worn out from lots of typing and it felt good to have them relaxed. Then Ryuga did something, there was a crack, and Light bit back a cry.

"Don't worry, it'll stop hurting soon. You'll get used to it."

"Mmm…"

This appointment had been promised as purely platonic; _yes, it was in the paperwork,_ and this really felt like it was crossing the line. But Light was so relaxed that he found he somehow failed to care.

When it was over, Ryuga took his hands and threaded their fingers together with a slight squeeze, and Light honestly couldn't believe he was going to say this, but… "Can you… just keep doing that? Just… hold. Stay…"

Ryuga nodded.

"Thank you…"

"Light-kun… can you remember this for me? Sometimes it can seem as if somebody doesn't care… but they really do. However, some people are unable to speak the truth even if they wish they could."

"…Then they shouldn't say anything. They shouldn't give others false hope."

"Light-kun has never told a lie? Light-kun has never given somebody false hope?"

"…Alright. I'm a hypocrite. Fine. But so is that idiot."

"If you have something in common, then you are likely to work well together."

Light nearly laughed. "Yes, except normally that thing in common is a hobby or positive quality."

"Being a hypocrite is a full-time commitment; so much so that you may be considered a celibate. There may well be an invisible wedding band."

"Well, that would explain why he doesn't have any friends," Light grumbled sourly.

"Light-kun _does_ have friends?"

"…Full-time commitment, like you said."

"Indeed. Combined with the time undoubtedly spent fussing over his hair, it's a wonder that his schedule can handle anything else at all."

Light jerked his elbow back and felt himself hit a bony ribcage, followed by a surprised little noise.

"Ow. That hurt."

Light looked up at the clock. Still twenty more minutes to go… He could do this. He could survive. How had it been so long already? Well, perhaps that should be considered a mercy.

"As much as you may want so, we are not here to fight." Ryuga squeezed him tightly. "Especially because I know that Light-kun is painfully ticklish on his sides and therefore can quickly make this very uncomfortable for him."

"Wait, what…?"

"How do I know this…? I am a professional. Want another massage? Or does Light-kun want to talk about his relationship troubles again?"

Light's face burned despite himself. "I-it wasn't –"

"Oh?"

"We… we're not… I-it's not…"

"Light-kun has chosen to talk about his relationship troubles again."

"No! Just give me another massage or something!"

"Well, alright. Try to relax again."

Ryuga's hands on him again; this time at his shoulders. Every touch sent arrows of warmth shooting through Light's body, and he was soon quick to clamp a hand over his mouth in fear of anything unnecessary slipping out, exhaling steadily through his nose instead. Somewhere along the line, he let his eyes shut, relaxing completely, completely unaware of the purrs those fingers were coaxing out of him. Warm touches over his lower back, melting away the tension from the past few days; fingers over his neck, smoothing and pressing down with gentle yet firm and skilled motions.

" _Ah…_ "

It came out at last and it was enough to make his eyes snap open, face burning again in embarrassment. But that wasn't the only problem in this situation – those arrows were trailing much lower than they needed to be right now, culminating in something much more worrying.

 _Oh, Hell no._

"Are you okay?" Ryuga's deep tone in his ear and Light froze, awkwardly attempting to cross his legs, but it just made it worse.

Feeling the other shift, Light looked up as Ryuga proceeded to lean down over him, staring with vague amusement, finger pressed to his mouth. "Light-kun will definitely be unable to relax like this. Shall I help?"

It was like time had stopped as Light attempted to scramble for a coherent thought, let alone a response to that offer. Spluttering inelegantly, he looked around for something, anything to focus on that wasn't Ryuga's smirk, and in his desperation spotted the clock.

"It's… it's the end of the appointment."

"Ah." Ryuga smiled with false innocence and drew away. "So it is."

Light was in absolutely no position to contemplate what had just happened. It was better to just not think about it. So much for _'platonic'…_ It had tried its best. He sighed and got himself up, attempting to will the heat away from his face. Luckily, the awkwardness was gradually fading now, and he headed over to the door, trying to forget what had just happened.

Ryuga followed him there. "Did Light-kun find his experience relaxing?"

"You could... say that. You'd probably do better as a massage therapist, if you want my opinion."

"Oh, no. You see, Light-kun, I am a _very_ cuddly person."

"…You could certainly say that, Ryuga. Well, I'll be going now."

Ryuga was grinning as he stepped out of the door and watched Light as he made his way to the elevator, and just before the doors could close, he heard something from down the hall directed towards him.

"My guess is that the chance of Yagami-kun coming back for another appointment is… Eighty-seven percent."

 _Yagami-kun's deduction has a sixty percent chance of being true…_

 _This idea has a less than one percent chance of holding any merit, but…_

 _There is a thirty percent chance, Yagami-kun, that I will think on it further, and a remaining seventy percent chance that what you have just suggested is complete bullshit. But it's nice to have that chance there regardless._

 _Percent… percent… percent…_

Light swore under his breath as the doors shut and everything came together.

* * *

 _Yagami-kun… We cannot meet together in person. That is the problem._

 ** _In person_** being the key term here – what was the problem with being a _different_ person?

L grinned triumphantly to himself as he shut the door. Matsuda had accepted the incentive to sign Light up for an appointment at a moment's notice, not suspecting anything for a second, and all in all...

Everything had gone… _just as planned._

…L's smile fell as he furrowed his brow in sudden confusion. For some reason, he felt like that phrase didn't suit him much.


	3. Version 1 P2

"These are all the links to our suspect that I have found as of now; I will inform you as soon as I uncover anything more. Good luck with your ongoing investigations."

L clicked the transmitting switch off and closed the camera feed, soon left staring blankly at his busy desktop space.

2:15 P.M.

That was the time now, he noticed as he glanced at the upper right corner of the screen, having hit a dead end in his thought process. Funny how that little timer always seemed to have the ability to jump ten hours ahead in the space of a single caffeine-induced haze. For some reason, those numbers seemed quite significant, but whatever that reason was, L couldn't manage to procure it.

The sound of his ringtone shook him out of his stupor and he pulled his phone out of his pocket, dangling it by his ear.

Watari, of course. "I'm driving back from the police station now to pick you up. Your appointment is in half an hour; we'll be leaving in about ten minutes. Finish up with whatever you're doing."

...Ah.

The appointment.

Of course, L had already known it from the start, but had been attempting somewhat to repress it.

In fact, any and all details regarding _The Appointment_ , as he'd now mentally termed it, were to be strictly quarantined; specifically the sub-category termed _Incident-A1,_ which had absolutely not occurred under any circumstances, despite the ridiculous amount of time he was spending recalling it and replaying it in his head (instead of getting anything productive done).

Why, yes – the world's three greatest detectives had lost control of his life, and this had been a tenuous control in the first place. About all he knew how to do and do consistently and efficiently was work, and lots of it. But now even this was under threat, and to say this wasn't good was to make a ghastly understatement. Justice was blind as a bat alright, since he'd just about walked into this shitshow with the grace of a drunk smacking a lamppost.

And before he knew it, he was already in the car, halfway there, and there was most certainly no backing out now.

"L, this was the second time this week that I have had to drug your coffee just to get you to sleep. Have you slept even once since last time?"

L chewed at his thumb. "No."

Watari sighed. "Well, I appreciate the honesty, especially coming from you. But if this is going to become a problem, then I truly won't know what to do. Please remember that we aren't going to remain in Japan forever."

It was a coincidence that they were there in the first place. L rarely bothered to travel just for the sake of a case; after all, he worked from a computer and preferred to keep any dangers to his person to a minimum.

But there'd been a new limited edition kitkat flavour on sale, and those kinds of things were _always_ Japan-exclusive.

And L's priorities were at times rather skewed.

"I know." It wasn't so nice to be reminded that they had to leave eventually, but it was true. And that was why L was so constantly trying to remind himself not to let himself get too used to this.

 _Not to get attached._

"That aside, hopefully this time will go a little better than the last. I remember you giving me quite the _traumatized_ look once you finally woke back up; though for what reason exactly I can't decide." Watari chuckled to himself. "Well, we're almost there now - so brace yourself."

L curled into himself a little closer.

 _Brace yourself_ indeed.

* * *

Somehow, the drive had felt even longer this time.

Upon arriving at the door again, L was quick to put on the careful poker face he'd practiced during the journey there as it opened. Light was there to greet him with that equally-practiced, patient smile he'd been expecting to see - but L noticed his fingers twitching slightly at the door handle, betraying a subtle nervousness, and he found himself instantly intrigued.

Light quickly put his hands by his sides as he noticed L's eyes on them. "Good to see you again, Ryuuzaki-san. I'm guessing you didn't have such a bad time, or you wouldn't have come back - or did you get put up to this again?" He asked with a smirk.

"The answer is both irrelevant and quite likely to go to Light-kun's head," L replied, pressing a finger to his mouth, "so we may as well get this over with again."

He scoured the still-immaculate apartment for any traces of change as he walked in. Remarkably, absolutely nothing. L did notice, however, that Light had left his laptop open on the coffee table, which was displaying what seemed to be a job application webpage.

"So, still going to stall this time?" Light gave him an amused look.

L sent a look back, then headed over to the beanbag and quickly sat down without hesitation. If you let the enemy smell fear, then it was all over.

He heard Light laugh as he followed and sat down beside him – this time much closer. Instinctively L froze up again, unable to shake his apprehension.

"Wow, you're really tense. You already know I don't bite."

L chewed slightly at his thumb, pulling his legs a little closer to himself. "I am fine."

Light grinned at him. "You're embarrassed?"

"No."

His eyes then softened a little. "I understand. You don't like being touched, so tell me when you're ready."

L nodded, and the other slowly moved closer. Gradually, he unfolded his body and allowed himself to relax, signalling that he was now open, and Light took the opportunity to tangle their limbs together as he guided L to lie down. It didn't take long for L to return the embrace, resting his face against his chest.

A finger started rubbing soothing circles at the nape of his neck. "…You're still tense. Breathe, okay?"

L exhaled deeply and relaxed a little more, still fighting back those endangered instincts. As the motions continued, the tension in his spine soon began to melt away like butter.

 _It's okay, it's just him. It's only Light-kun. He's not going to hurt you. Why would he? That would be silly and frankly counterproductive to his paycheck._

 _And even if he did, you could probably break his legs without even trying._

"You know, I was surprised when you fell asleep last time, but it really doesn't look like you get much anyway." Light's other hand was playing absentmindedly with the hem of L's worn-out shirt, every accidental brush of fingertips against skin leaving pulses of static in their wake.

"I didn't mean to. It was your fault."

"I just let you sleep because I knew you probably needed it. It was about two hours before your granddad called and I had to take you back. That was a little awkward. You really wouldn't wake up no matter how hard I tried. In fact, at one point you attacked me."

"I have been known to do that. That is, when I don't sleep-walk and attempt to raid the fridge. A padlock system had to be installed in order to counteract this fact."

The fingers at his neck stopped, and Light blinked, hesitating for a second. "If it works, I suppose…" His shock was soon replaced by a smile, however. "You're lucky you were easy to carry, you know. I'm surprised you claim to eat at all; unless the only time you do so is when you sleep-walk."

"Oh, no. But enough about that. I noticed that Light-kun has been trying to get another job."

Light sighed and his meandering fingers buried in L's hair, tugging slightly as if using him as a stress ball. L could tell he was holding back a lot more than mere irritation. "No luck. Don't worry about that." Light then paused for a moment, hand lowering to rub circles at his shoulder blades. "Your back is still terrible… Here, let me help."

Supposing there wasn't much of a reason to object, L hummed in agreement before closing his eyes and feeling the familiar weight of drowsiness bearing down on his eyelids. But, as Light's fingers soothed his aching muscles and helped him relax, one thought was all it took to keep him awake.

The fact that last time this had happened…

Edging on the border of sleep, his breaths began to slow, and the other must have taken this as a sign that he was asleep. L felt Light's face draw slowly closer by the shifting of his body and the nearing of his warmth, and then there it was again; the barest, soft brush of lips against his forehead.

L opened his eyes wide and came face-to-face with an extremely startled-looking Light. "Do you do that to everybody?"

Light just about spluttered and quickly put some more distance between them, flushing an unmistakable red. "I thought you were asleep. You should be going back to sleep."

L tilted his head, eyes gleaming as he slipped into interrogation mode. "Light-kun is dodging the question."

No answer from the other, aside from breaking eye-contact and looking to the side instead: a face that could be framed and titled as the picture of guilt.

"The evidence against Light-kun is damning. He may try to hide, but justice shall prevail."

And the suspect gave up at last with a sigh, finally meeting his gaze again. "You're weird, you know that?"

"I am nothing if not motivated."

Light then shifted as he unwrapped himself and slowly sat up, putting more space between them. "I'm sorry, okay? If it… freaked you out."

But clearly, that was entirely the opposite of how L felt about the matter. Already missing that warmth against him, he grabbed and pulled Light down back to where he'd been, wrapping all his limbs round him and clinging on tightly, cuddling up even closer than before. Light made a slight gasp in response, mouth hanging open in shock, but L just smiled and gave him a small squeeze before closing his eyes again.

He realised he could feel the other's heart beating much faster than it had been. Now who was the nervous one, hmm? After a little while, Light untensed and L felt fingers running gently through his hair before he finally succumbed to inconvenient human needs and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Well.

So that had happened.

Light stared down at the resting face of his newest, rather strange client, listening to his soft breathing. The first time he'd done that, in truth, had been… Something of an attempt to comfort. Whenever his little sister was sad, he always used to kiss her forehead in a similar way, and it would manage to calm her down no matter how hard she had been crying. Ryuuzaki himself did seem, in a way, quite child-like. In most ways, it was obviously a little weird - but in others, such as…

 _That surprisingly cute smile,_ Light instantly recalled, but quickly pushed the thought away.

...Such as, well, _that,_ it was quite intriguing.

But what was even more surprising – even _more_ intriguing, was how this part of Ryuuzaki seemed so at odds with the fierceness displayed at all other times in his eyes. It had been easy to assume so at first, but it soon became obvious that he was not in any way stupid, and somehow, at just a simple look from the man, Light felt an instant unease. An instant challenge, and the need to prove himself. The need to win.

…Maybe just putting up with him was the challenge.

 _Though not an entirely unpleasant one,_ Light mused absentmindedly as his fingers continued their gentle movements.

 _But this won't last._

Ryuuzaki had brought it up earlier, after all. Of course he was looking for another job now, but hadn't been very successful, to say the least. He knew it was his pride, always making him so ambitious - you'd be damned the day you saw Yagami Light taking orders at a drive-thru.

So he'd just have to suck it up and wait for something better.

Speaking of job hunting, he remembered he'd been meaning to check if he'd got a response to an application he'd sent a while ago. Light spotted the laptop sitting where he'd left it on the nearby coffee table, but as he shifted to move towards it he felt the pull of warmth against him and turned back to Ryuuzaki's sleeping form. He sighed as he looked at him, rolling his eyes. This would be a little difficult, to say the least. Of course, it was only because he somehow didn't have the heart to wake the guy up, but still.

Careful not to move too much, Light stretched out his free arm as far as it could go and managed to grab the laptop off the table, bringing it over with one hand. He looked around for a good place to put it, but there wasn't too much space.

Unless…

Grinning maliciously, Light spotted the other's pale, bony hip jutting out in front of him and placed the laptop down on top of the sleeping Ryuuzaki, soon finding that somehow he made an almost perfect table. Amazingly, he didn't even stir or react in any way, which Light was quickly thanking his luck for. Using one hand, he brought up his email and checked, only to find that he'd in fact been rejected. Light sighed in annoyance and went back to the application he had been in the middle of filling out instead and got to work on finishing it off, Ryuuzaki's steady breathing slowly managing to calm him down at the same time.

Soon enough, a couple of hours had passed, and Light realised that he should probably finally wake his client up and tell him that running over would mean extra cost. But more importantly, he had another appointment scheduled today, and it was coming up quite soon…

He closed the laptop and placed it back on the coffee table, turning back to look at Ryuuzaki. The bags under his eyes had gotten even worse than they were the first time, and it made Light worry a little about how much he'd been sleeping. If he was able to fall asleep so easily here, he had to be exhausted. Either he was an insomniac, his job was extremely demanding, or both. And Light felt bad to have to do this, but he really did have to wake him up.

He started gently prying the bony arms and legs from their iron grip around him and sat up, surprised as Ryuuzaki simply flopped down like a rag doll and started drooling. Rolling his eyes, Light decided to try a different strategy and shook him instead. "Ryuuzaki, wake up. Come on…"

Slowly, those heavy eyelids opened, and Ryuuzaki blinked forlornly for a second before coming back to reality and noticing who was in front of him.

"Sorry, I had to wake you up. Slept well?"

"About as well as I could." Ryuuzaki rubbed at the back of his neck, stifling a yawn but failing, and ended up drowsily falling onto his back, eyes shutting of their own accord again.

"Come on, naptime's over." Light gave Ryuuzaki's stomach a poke and grinned as he jumped right back up in surprise. Glaring grumpily, Ryuuzaki slumped into a lazy sitting position and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Alright, if I really have to get up…"

"You do, unfortunately. I have another client after you, and you've been here another two hours as it is. You know you get extra charges for extending, right?"

But Ryuuzaki only tilted his head, entirely unfazed.

"Yes, and I'd like to book in all of next week if that's alright with you."

* * *

It didn't take long for a routine to fall into place. As Ryuuzaki grew more comfortable with his visits, he started asking for tea after arriving, and they'd talk for a little while before laying down. At first, Light had been surprised _(read: horrified)_ at the amount of sugar he'd poured into his cup, but soon became accustomed to it and would leave out a full pot of sugar cubes on the coffee table for him. It was only a matter of time before Ryuuzaki came to realise his recently-acquired role as a laptop platform, but it turned out he didn't care, letting Light check his job applications while he peacefully dozed off and got some much-needed sleep.

Everything was going along along surprisingly well. At least, until the middle of the week, when they were well into their fifth appointment.

Light hadn't noticed the time; he'd gotten distracted while typing up a particularly seething response to an employer who had rejected him without even properly reading his application, and just about knocked his laptop off Ryuuzaki's bony ass as a pounding at the door scattered his concentration.

 _"Liiiiiight!"_

If Hell had a war-siren.

"It's time for Misa-Misa's _love_ checkup! Open up!"

Frantically putting the laptop to one side, Light shook Ryuuzaki, who was, amazingly, half-awake already and rubbing his eyes with an irritated expression.

"What's that noise? Annoying…"

Panicking, Light stole a quick glance at the door before replying. "Ryuuzaki, you weren't meant to stay this long –"

" _Okay!_ If Light won't let Misa in, she'll just let _herself_ in! Yay!"

The turning of a key in the lock sounded out and the source of _(the majority of)_ Light's nightmares flung the door open and proceeded on its unstoppable path of destruction. Ryuuzaki was staring in bewilderment at the girl who had just rushed in, and was in the middle of getting up when she spotted the two of them over at the beanbag at last and let out an unholy shriek.

" _Eww!_ Who the hell is this? You didn't say you were gonna have some weird creepy guy around, Light! Get lost, weird perv! It's Misa-Misa's cuddle time!"

Light sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing at his temples. This time, Misa had decided to turn up in a candyfloss-pink bunny onesie with ridiculously fluffy slippers, apparently in possession of even less shame than usual. It was best not to dignify that abomination she was wearing with a look lasting more than half a millisecond. "Ryuuzaki-san, please leave now. This is another... _client_ of mine."

"That's _future girlfriend,_ " Misa corrected with a giggle. Was that the slightest - did Ryuuzaki just jump? For a moment, he'd looked absolutely _horrified._ Or had he just been seeing things...?

"No, it's not," Light quickly blurted out. "Amane-san, if you could please be quiet for n-"

But he lost his train of thought as she practically jumped down onto him from above like a projectile marshmallow, squealing with excitement.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe it! Today was so stressful! Misa really needed a cuddle!" Misa proceeded to curl up on top of Light and throw her arms round his neck, nuzzling into him. The experience was not at all unlike being suffocated by a feather duster. "Misa had to redo loads of shoots because the weather was really bad and had to reapply her makeup like five times and that bitch Rikka scored higher in the popularity poll and her cutest underwear got ruined by communists in the funhouse and -"

Through the fuzziness obscuring his vision as he attempted to shift into a position slightly more comfortable and slightly more professional, Light noticed Ryuuzaki putting a phone back into his pocket and then getting up, glancing back briefly in the direction of the beanbag before heading to the exit and taking his leave without a word.

* * *

"Sorry for what happened last time, Ryuuzaki-san. I hadn't noticed the time, and it turned out she went and convinced my mother we were dating so she'd get her own key… Honestly, she's crazy, but she pays well since she's a popular model or something."

Next time had been a little awkward, so it seemed. Ryuuzaki had seemed off somehow. It wasn't that he looked any different or acted any different; no, he was wearing that same expression as firmly as always. He spoke still in that controlled yet natural-sounding monotone.

But...

"I imagine she comes by a lot…" Ryuuzaki said, thoughtfully dropping another sugarcube into his teacup.

Sugarcube number fourteen.

Without deviation, he always took nine - yet the little pot between them on the coffee table was quickly being depleted.

Light tried not to make his worry obvious, instead looking down at his own tea as sugarcubes number fifteen and sixteen joined their brethren. "Her schedule must be pretty hectic, because I'm pretty sure she'd come every day if she could. It's usually about four times a week. To tell you the truth, I don't actually have any other clients. Well, regular ones, anyway. I only had a couple others before and they were two old businessmen expecting someone without a Y chromosome."

Ryuuzaki was stirring his tea now, with the little pot now empty, staring blankly into the sugary whirlpool.

"One of them turned out not to mind though."

The spoon faltered slightly as dark eyes turned his way, eyebrows slightly raised.

Light tilted his head a little, looking over at the far wall. "...Had to do some paperwork."

The stirring slowly picked back up as his client continued to give him the silent treatment.

Light looked back over at the other. "Ryuuzaki?"

Ryuuzaki started stirring quicker, eye twitching ever so slightly. A droplet of tea went flying into the air.

"Uh… you okay?"

"Sugar takes a while to dissolve."

Light blinked. "That's true, but…"

Ryuuzaki's hand stopped abruptly and he continued staring down at the tea, suddenly leaning in close as if attempting to divine his future from it.

The bags under his eyes were much worse than the day before.

"You didn't sleep at all last night, did you?"

Ryuuzaki turned to look at him at last. "No."

"That's not really healthy."

"No."

Light sighed. "Well, how about you lie down and I'll help you get to sleep again?"

"That is a good idea."

"Alright." After putting his cup away, he waited for a few seconds. "…Ryuuzaki, you're still sitting up."

"That's true."

Ryuuzaki was unmoving, barely even breathing, looking more like a mannequin than a human.

After taking his cup and putting it away for him, Light awkwardly placed his hands on the other's shoulders, attempting to push him down that way, and luckily succeeded. Ryuuzaki lay there like a corpse, still as stone aside from the subtle rise and fall of his chest.

"…Not blinking isn't healthy, either."

"I'm having a staring contest with the wall, Light-kun, and I do not intend to lose."

Light smirked slightly. "That's nice, Ryuuzaki, but maybe you should make irrational decisions like that when you're not running on two hours of sleep per day."

"There is nothing wrong with my cognitive functions," Ryuuzaki insisted.

"Shhh. Time for sleep. You know, that nice thing that makes you feel like a living person again?"

"I know such of no thing."

"I think that just about says it all."

Ryuuzaki finally gave up and closed his eyes, and Light moved closer, settling down beside him. He placed a few pillows behind the other's head and rubbed gently at his scalp, feeling his body slowly relax. It didn't take long for him to roll onto his side and curl up in his preferred sleeping position, placing a thumb to his mouth. Smiling softly at Ryuuzaki's sleeping form, Light felt his blood start rushing despite himself as he leaned in bit by bit, closer and closer, brushing his messy fringe aside to place a kiss on his forehead – another part of the 'routine' by now.

"…Do you do that to her as well?"

Ryuuzaki's eyes were open again, wide and staring in that unnerving way they tended to, but there was an unmistakable softness there this time that made Light's breath catch in his throat as he tried to form a response. The question had been spoken plainly and without any hint of bitterness, but somehow it was just impossible to take those words in any other way. Was he... jealous?

"This is important to know," Ryuuzaki explained, tilting his head. "You see, I cannot allow myself to be defeated."

Light grinned. "Worried I like Misa more than you, hmm? Well, for one, you tip much better."

"...That's all?" Oh, Hell no. How was he supposed to continue being an asshole if Ryuuzaki was going to insist on mimicking a kicked puppy?

Light gave in. "You're not annoying either. Well, not all the time at least." He sighed, looking away. "…And obviously I don't do that to Misa. She'd end up thinking I liked her if I did."

"Is Light-kun implying that he does not dislike me?"

"Light-kun is implying that you need to go back to sleep."

* * *

More rejected applications. Wonderful.

Light was just about to go and pour himself an amount of caffeine sufficient for reading through it all when there was a knock at the door. Out of reflex, he waited. Sure enough, no alarm bells; no high-pitched squealing or unlawful breaking and entering. Another knock soon followed, though, and he soon went over to see who it was. Light opened the door to find his sister Sayu standing there with a brighter-than-usual smile on her face.

"Hey! I have great news!"

He blinked apprehensively, but quickly let her in and went to go sit back down.

Sayu rolled her eyes, walking over and leaning against the couch. "You don't look too excited. Well, I'll tell you what happened! I couldn't believe it, but Dad said he'll let you back on the force!"

Light froze, turning to look at Sayu with a dumbfounded expression. "…What?"

"It took a ton of convincing from me and Mum, and he thought about it for a long time, and then made up his mind! You'll have to start at the bottom again, but… I really thought he'd never consider it! After how angry he got and how much he insisted that he never would!"

Light still hadn't made it very far past _'dumbfounded',_ and was still staring blankly into space as he attempted to process this change of events.

Sayu stuck out her tongue. "Heh, you look pretty surprised now."

"Well, that's because I am."

"…Hey, aren't you happy? I mean, I know you'll have to work really hard now, but…" Sayu laughed. "At least you'll have a better time than you are right now. I still can't believe you kept that cuddle job."

"It didn't turn out as bad as I thought it'd be."

Eyes sparkling, Sayu started spinning around and jumping excitedly. "I so knew it! I knew you'd end up going out with Misa-Misa-chan!"

Light pinched the bridge of his nose, irritated. " _No,_ Sayu. She just pays well."

"That's _reeeally_ all you like about her, huh? Hey, I hear she's got a new lingerie line out..." Sayu tried winking suggestively, but he just pointedly ignored her and tried to pretend he wasn't hearing this right now.

"She went and told everyone we were dating so she'd get a key, for God's sake. She won't listen when I tell her I'm not interested. I don't care if you think we'd look good together; and even if I somehow magically liked her, well - you know what they say about crazy."

"Psssh. I bet _you're_ secretly the crazy one. Maybe that's why I don't see you with any girls! You somehow drive them all away really quickly." Sayu giggled. "I mean you _did_ go nuts and shoot that -"

 _"I know,"_ Light snapped, cutting her off. He didn't need to be reminded about that, especially not now.

"...Well, I've gotta run now. I have to get to class." Sayu managed an awkward smile, checking the time. "Good luck with your job."

Light watched in silence as she headed to the door.

Just before leaving, his sister turned and looked back for a moment.

"Try not to mess it up again this time, okay?"


	4. Version 1 P3

**we interrupt your regularly scheduled cuddles for shitty drama/plot!**  
 **drama? drama and also cuddle? now that's just silly. yeah, I don't know if it works, but some people wanted to know about light's job so I included a subplot around that, pfff. I seriously dunno how I got 7k out of this, but I did. it took longer to do than I thought it would.**  
 **by the way, this chapter is cheesy enough to out-cheese /me/, that's how cheesy it is. version 2 is going to be a lot more silly! also... I suck at writing smut. otherwise I probably would've done it. (I cry)**  
 **(sorry if there are any mistakes because I had to finish editing the ending really quickly)**

* * *

"Hey, Ryuuzaki."

Light's smile was hiding something today. There was something dull about his eyes, something more closed off than usual in his stance - it was as if the two of them were meeting for the first time again. "I knew when you'd be arriving, of course, so I actually made your tea already. Come on in."

L followed him with slight apprehension into the apartment, noting the laptop was nowhere to be seen this time. They sat down and L picked up his teacup, carefully dangling it in front of his face and inspecting it with a wary eye.

"Nine sugars, cream, boiling, Earl Grey." Light recited without missing a beat, casually crossing one leg over the other.

This contented L enough to take a sip - and so it was, he found out. Perfect, in fact. Watari could be out of a job soon. He nodded gratefully at the other in response, but the worry from earlier still left a bitter taste in his mouth.

"…So," Light continued, staring down blankly at the table. "It's our last appointment, then."

It was true. They'd reached the end of the week by now. "Ah. That's right –"

But L was cut off. "It really is, Ryuuzaki." Light looked back up. "I…" He attempted a smile, though the strain in it was clear. "...got my job back."

L froze at this, eyes widening slightly, but quickly tried to appear calm. Luckily, he had a lot of experience in doing this. "...I see. I'm glad for you, Light-kun."

"I'm not too happy, actually," Light sighed, running a hand through his hair, "since I have to start at the bottom again like a rookie. But, obviously…"

"…It's the career path that Light-kun prefers."

"Well, to say the least."

L attempted to move the sugar pot closer to him as inconspicuously as possible. If they were going to have this conversation, he was going to need more than just nine cubes. Hell, where was a bowl of profiteroles when you needed them?

Come to think of it, since he was going to be feeling sorry for himself, maybe a couple of Ben & Jerry's...

 _...Companies._

"But not like that," L replied, dumping in the rest of the pot and making a mental note to tell Watari to rent out _Titanic_ later, "Light-kun wants a more respectable job entirely. Is that right?"

"Pffft, I already blew that one if we're talking being on the police force, Ryuuzaki. To be honest, because of you and Misa – well, mainly you, I'm actually a lot more successful now than I was then. But..." Light's eyes were burning with a sudden determination that managed to demand all of L's attention as he spoke; the tea completely forgotten. "Right now, there's an opportunity that I just can't miss. I have to go back, even if it means I have to face–"

L blinked at the pause.

"…Well, nothing that matters." Light narrowed his eyes, pinching at the bridge of his nose.

"What do you want to go back for?"

"Well, it's obvious everyone's been trying to keep it confidential, but let's just say I have my sources." That determination was back, along with a self-assured grin.

 _Matsuda, probably,_ L mused inwardly as he started stirring again. He wondered why he hadn't made the connection earlier when he'd skimmed over the details of the team he was currently working with and found that Yagami Soichiro had a son - though if he had indeed been on the police force, he might as well have never been there at all, because it wasn't like anybody talked about him, least of all his own father.

Needless to say, though, this was hardly going to be their last meeting after all if things were going this way. Although not by much, since L was close to solving the case already, and then afterwards he would leave. And of course, there was the tiny little problem of being unable to give up his secret identity so carelessly, and so, even if this would not be the last time Light would meet L...

...It would be the last time Light would meet Ryuuzaki. The last time that they could properly share each other's company; that they could share each other's warmth - and that time was limited. _Extremely_ limited.

And here he was, wasting it by currently doing things that _weren't_ spooning Light Yagami.

Well, that could soon be fixed.

"There's a case ongoing right now; no details are known to anyone outside the task force because the culprit hid their tracks so well. Nothing has been publicized." Light's eyes were gleaming again. "And I know… I just know that they have to be in contact with L."

Though his stomach was twisting itself in knots, L forced himself to stay calm, _stay **calm,** damn it,_ and come up with something to say. He was being like some teenage girl who'd just heard her crush say her name! "L…" he replied, tilting his head and chewing at his thumb, "I admit I've heard of that name." L noticed how Light perked up instantly as he said that and suppressed the urge to smile.  
"But I thought it was some kind of story. After all, the idea that a single person could somehow maintain the work of such a position is almost unthinkable - but, as it turns out, somebody working under that title really does exist? Hmm. Interesting to know."

"I wouldn't have expected you to know." Light's momentary excitement had vanished, replaced with a sudden suspicious look in his eyes. "What _is_ your job, anyway, Ryuuzaki? Generally, only people connected to law enforcement or government ever hear about L."

"I was like you, Light-kun," L lied effortlessly, "and did a degree in criminal justice. I studied in England. We learned about many of the cases that L worked on, and how the conclusions they made were reached. However, again like you, my career just didn't work out. I managed to find a use for my minor in zoology and ended up as a professional elephant masturbator."

The look on Light's face at this was completely priceless, and he could have gone further, but decided not to.

"Obviously, I was joking. I work at a pet shelter." L glanced at the clock and cursed under his breath, quickly putting the teacup to one side and getting up while the other was still giving him strange looks. He hurried over, getting even more weirded-out looks as he got closer and closer, stopping in front of Light and bending down a little.

"Ryuuzaki? Hey! what are you -" Light spluttered in surprise as he was suddenly picked up with minimal effort and carried over to the beanbag.

L remained unfazed as his unwilling captive started wriggling around awkwardly. "I have only just realised how much time I have been wasting not cuddling Light-kun, and so I request that we continue our conversation while that takes place."

"Well, I guess, but you didn't have to - hey, w-wai... -!" Light fell in a heap on the beanbag as he was dropped down, and had little time to react as L flopped down beside him, proceeding to tightly wrap his body round from behind all at once, holding him in place. Light gasped slightly, and L smiled as he felt him relax and place his arms over his own. "You really have gotten a lot more comfortable with this, huh?"

"Well, I doubt you would've let me do that a while ago."

It was true. In his own way, Light was every inch as guarded as L himself, and at the same time, the two of them had gradually opened up to each other both physically and mentally over the course of the past week, even if only a little. L knew he'd let his own guard down too far already, he knew he'd given a piece of himself away - only now to find out that soon, that piece would not be coming back.

And he was scared for when that would happen.

Light took one of L's hands and started playing with his fingers absentmindedly. "Going to sleep?"

L hid his face in the back of Light's neck. "No. Not this time."

"Don't be like that," Light chided, reaching round to poke him in the side and make him jump. "you know how much you need it."

...This really was it, wasn't it? The last opportunity he'd get to be with Light like this. He wasn't going to waste a single second. "Yes, of course I know. But…" L held on tightly, pretending he wouldn't have to let go. "If I do that, then I'll miss out on being with Light-kun for the last time, won't I?"

"I… suppose, but… That's not important."

"It's not?"

There was a pause, and L felt Light's chest tighten before he exhaled, sighing deeply. "Everyone needs to sleep, you idiot."

"Light-kun enjoys making fun of my human necessities." No reply, however, and L frowned, giving the other a little squeeze before continuing. "Light-kun, I hope…"

"Hmm?"

"…That you do well in your job again. I want to wish you good luck. And, I also want to say that even though it was because Light-kun had to do another job that he didn't like, I'm glad... that we could meet at all. And... it doesn't really matter in the end, because even if he hadn't got his job back, I would be leaving the country soon anyway."

"...I see. Back to England?"

"That information is classified."

"I hear pet shelters are highly confidential services nowadays."

"You guessed right, I just didn't want to admit it. Incidentally... Light-kun, did Amane-san show up today?"

"No. She's dealing with the press after some scandal that's all over the news after her website somehow leaked nude photos of her with her manager… Of course, the agency denies they were real."

L grinned to himself. "Ah. Good to know that things worked out…"

Light turned and blinked at him and he quickly became the picture of innocence.

"I mean; what an odd coincidence."

"…If you say so."

L unwrapped an arm from Light to pull a cushion over to himself and rest it under his head. It wasn't the best idea, though, as he was already a little sleepy, and had to force his eyes to remain open.

"So, I'm the last after all."

"You're glad about that, huh?"

"In the end, I won."

Light rolled his eyes. "You could see it like that. What was there to win in the first place, Ryuuzaki?"

As his hold on Light slackened a little, L felt him slowly shift and turn around so that they were facing each other, making him move a little so that both their heads could fit on the cushion. L leaned in close as they tangled their legs together and Light flinched, eyes widening. He'd gone a wonderful shade of red, and L realised he could feel through his own chest how quickly his heart was beating.

 _I have to leave,_ L firmly reminded himself _. I have to leave. I have to leave. I have to..._ "Obviously, the title of Light-kun's girlfriend, right?"

L couldn't help but grin at Light's flabbergasted reaction, tempted to tease him further, but reminded himself sharply one last time: _You still have to leave, idiot_ , and pulled away, putting some space between them again. "I was only joking. There's no need to practice your tomato impression in front of me like that."

Light shifted away slightly before nearly pulling out of their embrace entirely, and L let him, feeling like shit for making him uncomfortable. Maybe he'd gone too far... "…Tomato impression. You're… Funny, Ryuuzaki."

"It's not my job, but thank you anyway."

There was silence between them for a little while, as L tried to think of something, anything he could possibly say... Had he messed this up?

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, his phone decided to answer for him, as it suddenly started buzzing in his pocket. L sat up and shuffled away to the side, knowing that the other didn't want to be close to him anymore as it was anyway, fishing his phone out of his jeans and quickly answering.

"Ryuuzaki, we need you here immediately. New evidence has turned up, but nobody can make any sense of it. I'm afraid if you're in the middle of your appointment you're going to have to cancel."

L bit the inside of his mouth as he heard it, forcing his face to remain impassive. There was no sugarcoating a bitter pill - no choice but to swallow it and suck it up. So their time had been cut short in the end...

"I understand. I'll be there." L hung up and put the phone away, turning around to look at Light, who had just sat up himself and was trying not to make it obvious that he had just been staring. "I'm sorry. I have to leave early."

Light nodded dismissively, seeming distracted with something all of a sudden. "That's fine."

L glanced back for one more time before turning away and getting up to leave, but his arm was grabbed from behind. He stopped and turned back around, confused, and jumped as the other's hand took his own and pulled it over.

"Wait," Light softly told him, "It's so you remember." He had a pen, and held L's hand steady before pressing the nib down into his palm. He made four strokes, two long and two short, forming the kanji _moon_ that spelled out his name.

L stared down at it, unsure what to think. Light was still holding his wrist, thumb gently tracing circles over his pulse. It seemed at first like he wasn't going to move, but then his other hand came over and placed itself on L's shoulder, and all too suddenly he realised he could feel the slightest warmth of breath on his face, that the gap between their faces was far smaller than he thought it was. L could hear his heart racing in his ears, chest painfully tight as he tried to stay as still as humanly, or inhumanly possible.

For a moment, they stayed like that, just sitting and staring, each with equal bewilderment. And then Light let it go, moving back and smiling faintly. "...At least, until it washes away."

L quickly shuffled back as well, swallowing nervously. But then he had an idea and took the pen from Light and then his own hand, surprising him, and wrote something down in return. He watched the other stare at it, confused, as he got up and headed to the door, waving goodbye with a sad smile before turning and finally taking his leave.

* * *

Light couldn't sleep.

He'd woken up three times this night already, cursed with a splitting headache that made it impossible to get any proper rest. He'd already tried water the first time, then aspirin the second, but now the pain had dulled somewhat into an uncomfortable throbbing and it was seriously pissing him off.

But what would really be pissing him off even more soon...

Would be going back into work tomorrow. Yes, there was a select team working with L, but there was no way he'd be able to get in on that. He wasn't going to get magically chosen out of the blue, especially not now he'd be taking the vital role of designated human coffee machine from Matsuda. And that wasn't even getting started on the passive-aggressive crap he'd be enduring from his father and everyone else all day. Working his way back up was going to be such a pain, and while Light was never usually one to back down from hard work, it was sure going to be a change of pace from just getting to stay home all day and cuddle Ryuuzaki...

 _Ryuuzaki._

Glancing at his palm, Light was glad to find that the letters there hadn't completely faded yet, but he still wasn't any closer to understanding their meaning. If he tried, he could still faintly remember the feeling of the other's hand holding his as he wrote them down...

The feeling of Ryuuzaki's warmth pressing against him from behind as he wrapped his bony body around him and cuddled close; or from the front as he clung on and buried his face against his collar, unruly dark hair tickling his shoulders. The sound of Ryuuzaki's soft breathing, his clean scent and smooth skin, and the barest hint of sugar and tea on his breath when Light had almost-

...When he'd almost messed it all up. Of course, he regretted backing out in the end, but the two of them would never meet again. Ryuuzaki had said it himself: he was going to leave anyway. There was no use in ruining things for the both of them at that point.

But Light was still unused to the sudden feeling of his bed being too spacious.

He closed his eyes, hoping that being unable to see the empty side of the bed would make him forget, but it only forced him to focus on his body and how strangely cold he felt, how quiet it was, how alone he was. All there was in the dark was the pain inside his head and that still-lingering restlessness, and he was quickly getting sick of it. Light opened his eyes again, groaning in annoyance and staring at the wall through groggy vision. His arms started to move despite themselves, reaching out for something that wasn't there.

It... was clearly only his nervousness about tomorrow keeping him from getting to sleep. It was this headache. It was anything, anything other than the regret eating away at his chest right now.

Trying to disrupt this train of thought, to distract himself, Light looked over at the other pillow across from him. Slowly, he reached for it, running his fingers along the soft surface. Before he knew it, he'd pulled it over, turning it onto its side, and hugged it close to his chest.

Now, when he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend... he could almost imagine...

That he wasn't so alone anymore.

Light gasped as his temple throbbed painfully and pressed his face into the pillow, squeezing it tightly as the aching persisted. Still, he held on, and after what felt like hours, the pain slowly began to fade. From the colours dancing in front of his closed eyelids, he could tell that by now the sun had started rising, and it wouldn't be long until he'd have to be up, but at least now he'd hopefully be able to get a few decent hours' sleep at last now that he was able to relax.

"Goodnight," Light mumbled out loud to no one in particular, giving the pillow one more little squeeze.

* * *

Everyone had seemed a little more solemn as they piled into the room today. Unusually silent. Unusually purposeful. They all filed themselves away dutifully at their workstations rather than awkwardly milling about and waiting for directions. Unusually intent on ignoring Matsuda, too, who was the only one standing there not doing anything, constantly shifting around nervously as if playing a game of hot potato and looking side to side at everyone else.

It was clear that there was something he wanted to say, and that none of his colleagues wanted to hear him say it. They were all sneaking glances at Soichiro, who had sat down and started massaging his temples. It wasn't too difficult to guess what could be stressing him out so much.

"Everyone is here." L broke the silence, and everybody turned in the direction of his monitor. "I have some reports for you to look over, Mogi-san, but I don't have much faith in turning up much from them. Watari will hand them to you shortly. That is all for now."

Everyone nodded and murmured in agreement, and business went on as usual.

Or, it would have, at least - had Matsuda not been constantly wobbling like jelly, mouth flapping open and closed as he debated whether to speak up or not. After a while, however, he finally seemed to have mustered up the courage to do something and strode over to where the others were working.

"Psst, Chief..." Matsuda started, flinching immediately at the stern glare he received, but pressed on regardless. "Uh, I don't know if I can ask, but… now that Yagami-kun is back, are you really sure you're not gonna let him on the team? You know how much he'd help us out! Even L is at a dead end right now! Like, he completely admitted it! And I bet he'd be really excited! Yagami-kun, I mean –"

"Don't bring up things unrelated to the case here, Matsuda." Soichiro snapped. "And as for your question, I'm sure you know what my answer will be already. Consider this a warning: Do not ask me again."

L decided to cut into their conversation, intrigued. "If you don't mind my asking, why can't he? From my understanding, Yagami Light-kun is a very bright young man who rose up through the ranks quickly and could be an asset to the case."

Soichiro glowered at the screen. "Forgive me if I refrain from answering you, L. He does not have the right mindset for a job like this. That is all I will say to you." After a brief pause, he rose from his seat and headed for the door. "Excuse me, I have to go now."

Hmm. L really was curious now.

The room was silent. The remaining members of the task force were quickly returning to their work after watching that little scene. L himself had nothing better to do: he was at a dead end, after all. Might as well do a little research and see if he could find out what had happened in the first place.

A little digging into the police database got him a brief profile, including the date Light had been discharged – fired – from his job, which was a few weeks before L had arrived in Japan to start work on his current case. The reason that had been put down was 'misconduct', and if there had been anything else relating to it there, it had almost certainly been wiped.

Didn't seem that there was much else to be found after that, so this naturally meant only one thing: He'd have to get the rest of the details from another, more reliable source.

Lunch break soon arrived, and as everyone left the room one by one, L took his chance. "Matsuda-san, if you could please stay behind."

The man froze, gazing yearningly at the blueberry muffin he'd just been about to escape with before sighing in resignation. Matsuda was frowning like a kicked puppy, clearly thinking he must have done something wrong.

"I'd like to discuss with you something related to what you mentioned earlier."

Matsuda perked up a little as he realised he wasn't being told off for anything. "Earlier...? Hey, you mean -"

"If I may ask, I'd like you to tell me what happened regarding Yagami-kun. I know already that he lost his former job here in some way, and his father is clearly ashamed of him. Everything that you say will be confidential - you have my promise that I won't mention it to anyone else."

Matsuda hesitated for a little while, looking side to side as if somebody would pop up out of nowhere, before taking a deep breath and replying. "Well, it... wasn't too long ago. It was another crazy serial killer going around - the first case Light-kun got to officially work on, since he was still new."

"I see... and what happened?"

"Well, he… Light-kun was invested in the case from the start. _Really_ invested. He was the only reason we got any leads on it at all, in fact." Matsuda paused again, eyes wide in sudden recollection. He swallowed a lump in his throat, taking L's silence for an encouragement, and continued. "So, we find the killer and try to arrest him... But he was resisting. He was fighting back as hard as he could. And then, when the guy was trying to get away, he started screaming… he screamed that nothing could possibly go wrong, nothing could possibly harm him, because he was God. One of those delusional types."

Another pause, and L held his breath.

"And that… was when Light-kun shot him."

 _Unsurprising._

Somehow, that was the first thing that popped into his head when he heard that. It was exactly what he could see Light doing in that situation. They'd had plenty of opportunity to talk, after all, and L could hardly have resisted slipping in some questions that would give him a bit more insight into the other's views on justice. At times, his views of things seemed very black and white, and this only further cemented that assessment.

Furthermore, it wasn't too hard to figure out where exactly that view had come from. L knew that Yagami Soichiro was a staunch believer in justice who stuck as closely to the book as possible. But he detested guns and detested the death penalty even more so, which was where the two differed. It was not unlikely that he may have been ashamed and angered at this action and therefore fired his son.

"I see," L replied evenly. "I thought something like that already, but now that I have it in context… I understand completely. Thank you. Again, don't worry – I won't tell anybody you talked with me. You may leave now."

Matsuda bowed quickly and hurried to the door.

"...Enjoy your muffin."

* * *

 _"I would like Yagami Light-kun to join the investigation team."_

When he'd said it, everyone had instantly jumped and turned to look at Soichiro, who was the most shocked of them all. But in the end, he didn't have the authority to go against L, no matter how much he tried to make him change his mind. Eventually it ended on a compromise of sorts; Light could join the investigation starting tomorrow rather than today, most likely so his father could sit him down for a _Very Important Chat_ about why he should play nicely with the other kids in the sandbox.

L watched the door intently the next day, waiting and waiting to see him. To see the look on his face. Would he be happy? Or would he be resigned, having been given a strict set of rules to follow from now on? None of that mattered in the first place, because all L really wanted was just to see Light again. It had already been far too long even though their last meeting had still only been a few days ago. But every single day since then, sure enough, he'd been unable to sleep at all, and had been forced to use pills, leaving him tired, cranky and unmotivated each morning. Would Light have been concerned if he could see how terrible he looked right now?

L realised he had been spacing out for so long that he hadn't noticed Light finally walk in and quickly glued his eyes to the screen, breath catching. He was so close, but so far away at the same time.

And, as L looked at him, _really_ looked at him this time, his heart seized.

Light's guard was completely down. His eyes were bright and full of warmth, unable to hide his obvious enthusiasm. L felt like he was seeing him actually alive for the first time; he was practically _glowing,_ radiating enough vitality to drown out the entire room and leave everyone else in the dust.

"It's good to meet you, L," he said to the screen, smiling with a stirring, overpowering confidence completely unseen until now.

And then they got to work.

The others could barely get a word in edgewise as the two of them debated endlessly over their theories and assessed their current information, making leaps and bounds and tying up each other's loose ends effortlessly. L lost himself in his work like he never had before. It was like he'd been stuck in a hole and a hand had reached down to pull him out - Light was like a star, and just being close to him through a screen was enough to feel the sheer warmth he emitted, to make L feel like _he_ was shining, too.

And as the next few days flew by he soon forgot that he'd ever be leaving at all.

* * *

As quickly as it had begun, it was all over.

Everyone was there on the screen, standing in a long line and bowing as L addressed them. "Thank you all for your devotion and hard work in this case. It was thanks to your help that we made a breakthrough so soon and allowed justice to prevail."

Light was trying not to scoff in the back. Well, _he_ could say whatever he wanted, but the part of L that was still a little kid running around in blanket capes and insisting that justice had no bedtime liked being cheesy every once in a while.

Everybody bowed again, and he took a deep breath before continuing, "Soon, I will be leaving Japan, as the case has concluded."

Light's smile faded.

"Once again, thank you. I have nothing more to say."

L paused again, and everyone started looking around awkwardly, wondering if they could go. "...But if I may, I would like to speak with Yagami-kun about something once the rest of you leave."

The others immediately turned and stared at Light, mouths hanging open. Soichiro was the worst of all of them, though, eyes wide with disbelief, both proud and sickened all at once. However, they all quickly took L's words to heart, Matsuda grinning cheesily and giving Light a thumbs-up with a whispered "You totally scored!" before they all piled out of the room.

Light was left standing there alone, and though it was obvious he was trying to look composed, there was no masking the sheer pride swelling through him in that moment. "What was it you wanted to talk with me about, L?" he asked, words brimming with confidence.

"Ah. Let me see…"

Light smiled patiently, sitting down and placing his hands on the desk. After he got no reply for a while, he twitched. "…Yes?"

"Yagami-kun, I'd like to…"

Another pause. This was going to be good, so L had to wait it out just for the sake of seeing his reaction. Light's joints strained as he gripped the surface of the desk slightly. "What is it?" he asked again, impatient.

Miles away, sitting behind his microphone, L grinned from ear to ear.

"…I'd like to book myself in for this Thursday if you don't mind."

* * *

Light took a good while to stare him down this time as he stood there on the doorstep.

So, he had decided to be selfish in the end. He'd decided to be more than a little stupid and give up his identity for the sake of someone he didn't entirely know. Well, L may be Justice, but he was also human. And while Justice didn't particularly care for cuddles...

It turned out that humans did.

"Hello." L smiled pleasantly, as if first introducing himself again. Light was still blankly staring. Somehow, it seemed they had swapped roles - how strange. "You can still call me Ryuuzaki if you want."

Light took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. "…Not this time. At least for a little while, I think I'd like to call you L," he finally replied, and smiled back. "Well, you'd better come in or the tea will get cold."

The apartment had changed a little. Most of the cushions were gone now, as well as all of the other touches that had been hastily added for Light's former job. But what stood out the most was how it actually seemed somewhat disheveled this time. There were papers everywhere, plates and cups that hadn't been put away all over every surface. Coffee mugs, mainly, judging by the heavy scent of it in the air. L folded himself up on the couch, taking his tea and looking over at the other, who was still staring at him.

"I only just realised now." Light mumbled to himself, now staring into space, "God, I can't believe I couldn't figure it out… When you wrote _'Rue'_ on my hand…"

"You'll have to thank a certain gentleman busy rotting in Hell for that one." L glanced at his own hand, remembering where the kanji had once been before it faded. "…As you can guess, I'm here to say goodbye. But I also wanted to wish Light-kun luck with his job. After all, he should get more respect now that L has personally attested to his ability."

Light almost scoffed. "That's an optimistic view of it. L could hail me as the second coming of Sherlock Holmes and my dad would still remain as stubborn as ever. He decides whether to change his mind, and that's final. At least the others should be easier on me, though."

L stared over the edge of his teacup. "I wasn't all that surprised when I found out what you'd done."

"So you already know." Light narrowed his eyes unapologetically, hiding the beginnings of a smirk. "What now? Am I going to get a lecture on morality and justice from L himself?"

"No."

Light blinked, seemingly caught off guard, and slumped slightly. "No...?"

L took a long sip before replying. "I don't care what you did."

Light's eyes widened as he said this, and he opened his mouth, about to say something, but L continued. "No, it wasn't exactly right, but at the same time I can tell that what the killer said must have set you off. You have a very strong sense of justice." He then smiled. "You're going to be disappointed by me, I'm afraid."  
Putting his teacup to one side, L held the tops of his knees and gave the other his full attention. "You already know I only take cases I'm interested in. Solving difficult cases is my hobby. It's a challenge - and I don't care if I have to ignore the rules to win. Therefore, if you saw me as a figure to be idolized in any way… I apologize. I want to be open with you about that because I respect you as a colleague. And that's why… I don't want you to get your hopes up, Light-kun."

There was silence between them for a while as Light sat there, deep in thought. After a little while, he turned back to L with a determined look. "…I don't care. I don't care what your ideals are as L." he swallowed, unable to meet L's eye afterwards as he continued. "...Because I care more about y - I... care more about the person I met who became my friend before I even found out about that." Light was suddenly tongue-tied, flustered as he stumbled over his words.

Another pause. L knew that if he tried to say anything now it would probably be very, very stupid, and so he didn't, even though there were so many things he wanted to, swarming around inside his head at once. The back of his neck was beginning to heat up, and he tried with every ounce of willpower he could manage to will it away.

Light finally looked at L again. "Are we still going to…? You called it an appointment, after all."

Glancing at the clock, L inwardly recalled his entire florid vocabulary of curses in twenty different languages as he realised he had to go soon, and _soon_ meant preferably seven minutes. "...I'm sorry. We don't have time. I have a flight to catch soon." He thought for a moment, then got up and looked around. "But at least... maybe I can do something else instead. Do you have a marker? Permanent, if possible."

Light blinked, but soon found one and handed it over. L took the marker and then then his wrist. Light tensed at first, but quickly realised what he was about to do and remained silent. This time, L started tracing the intricate outline of his gothic letter on the back of Light's hand, working carefully, making sure to render it as perfectly as possible (and silently thanking those hellish mandatory calligraphy classes back at Wammy's).

"There," L said after finishing it off, "Hopefully it will remain for a long time like this." He looked at the time again, though, and jumped. Light took his hand back with a strained smile.

"I know. You have to go now."

"…If it were up to me, I'd stay," L quietly replied, letting the truth into the open for once. "I can see the potential Light-kun has. He would be wonderful to work with." It hurt to try and smile back, but he did it. "Well, then... Goodbye. I'm sure that we will meet on another case in the future." With that, L turned around and headed for the door, leaving the other there alone. Standing at the threshold, his phone buzzed in his pocket and he jumped, knowing there was no time to waste. L held in a sigh as he reached for the handle -

But stopped as hands grabbed his shoulders. Light spun L around and pulled him into a crushing embrace, preventing him from moving any farther. He could feel their hearts beating frantically together, overwhelmed with warmth and sensation. As L tentatively wrapped his arms around the other in return, Light's initial force lessened a little and his hold relaxed slightly, but he kept L pressed against him just as close, one hand lowering to his waist, the other burying into his hair and softly stroking it.

"…This is an uncomfortable place to try and cuddle," L murmured as his breath returned to him, still gasping for air.

Light squeezed him, as if worried he'd suddenly try to run away. "Are you trying to make a joke or something? I'm… I'm not trying to…" He swallowed. "This is just… a hug. Can't I hug you? It's not even my job or anything anymore, for God's sake. In case you couldn't tell, I'm going to miss you."

L couldn't help himself and held Light back tightly in return this time, resting his head against his shoulder. "…I'm going to miss Light-kun too."

Fingers threading through his hair, rubbing circles at his nape in the way that made him melt every time. "...L. Ryuuzaki. Whatever I'm supposed to call you - why...? Why _can't_ I? Work with you, I mean."

L quickly stiffened and pulled away, stepping back. "You don't understand what that commitment entails."

Light narrowed his eyes, brimming again with determination. "I understand it entails something better than what I have right now. You saw me, L. You saw how motivated I was. Once you go, I'm just going to be... I'll hit a dead end again. I can't lose this. I can't lose this opportunity, I can't lose _you._ "

He pulled L close again, one hand gliding up his collar and gently cupping his face, tilting it up towards his own - L froze on the spot, caught between the urgency of leaving and the overwhelming desire to stay. But at the same time, those instincts he had repressed, the walls that repelled physical contact were building back up, screaming at him to lash out.  
One second he was burning up, the next all heat had drained away from his body and L realised too late his legs had nearly given in on him - Light caught him before he could fall, snapping him out of his daze. L flinched under his touch but stayed where he was, the illogical half of him yelling for the other to just move closer _\- Move closer and kiss me already, damn it!_ But Light - And L really could have screamed now - pulled away and took a deep breath, eyes now dulled.

L realised he could breathe again and backed himself up against the door, still shaken. "...I have no idea both what Light-kun was about to do and _why_ exactly he was about to do it." He paused, reaching out and placing his hands on Light's shoulders, pulling him a little closer again. "...But more importantly, I'd like to know why on earth he _stopped._ "

Right now, Light was a mess and he knew it, a shadow of his normal, controlled self. He shifted uncomfortably under L's touch, shrugging it off. "I don't... want you to think that I... that it's only because you're L."

L Lawliet had a wide variety of useful and essential skills at his disposal. He could hack into government databases without leaving a trace. He could convincingly manipulate his voice to suit whatever personality, age or gender he needed to portray. He could pilot a helicopter. He could detect the barest change in the Cadbury's chocolate formula at a moment's taste.

It sufficed to say, however, that amongst these many skills, swapping spit with another person was not included.

But L had had enough, and in that moment couldn't possibly care less about how much he'd embarrass himself by trying to do this without any experience, or about how he would go about it in the first place. All he cared about was forcing Light Yagami to stop being such a clueless idiot.

He closed the gap between them and awkwardly pressed his lips to Light's, only just managing to avoid bumping noses and all the while praying he hadn't done it horribly wrong. It was obvious in any case that the other got the message, as L felt Light jump and then slowly relax, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. L relaxed a little too, enough to close his eyes and gently press closer. But almost as soon as he felt the other's lips start to move against his, he panicked all at once: horrified that he'd make a fool of himself, that he needed to leave, he was being selfish, that he didn't even deserve any of this in the first place, let alone more.

Face burning, L quickly broke the kiss, his hand lingering over his mouth in disbelief. Light seemed confused for a moment, but then noticed L's nervousness and smiled, cupped his face and angled it, rubbing soothing circles at the back of L's neck as he leaned back in and rested their foreheads together. "Like this."

And those lips were against his own again, moving slowly, softly, easy to follow. L melted into the kiss as his body went slack, pressing back against the door for leverage. Light's fingers threaded with his and pinned his hands either side for support, giving them a small, encouraging squeeze.

L's phone buzzed again and he quickly tore his hands back to grab it out of his pocket, pulling away, both of them still lightly panting as he flipped it open and answered.

"L, where _are_ y-"

"Cancelled," L blurted out and closed it again, then grabbed Light by the front of his shirt and kissed him again. They lost themselves in each other, ignoring everything else just like when they'd been working together - at least until L finally had to breathe and they broke apart at the same time, flushed and panting. Staring into Light's lust-hazed eyes, L barely noticed his hands slowly traveling down his sides and flailed in surprise as the other picked him up and bundled him into his arms with a scheming smirk.

"You can't blame me for doing it back to you, L."

"W-wait, where -"

Light was running off with him now, and he held on, everything going by in a blur until he was suddenly let go and fell back against a soft, springy surface.

L had a look at his surroundings, finding that it seemed even Light's bedroom was neat to the same extent of the rest of his home. He sat up, only for the other to join him on the bed and pull him onto his lap. Face burning, L let the other's hand on his waist pull him closer, untensing and wrapping his legs round him in return. Light's hands gently took the sides of his face and he leaned in, brushing away the messy hair from his forehead before placing a soft, lingering kiss against it.

But before L could open his mouth to speak, more followed; more kisses, gentle brushes of lips on his cheeks, trailing down his face before finally reaching his mouth; a brief, sweet moment that went by far too soon. Light's head lowered then, and L gasped, arching up and steadying himself on his knees as the trail of kisses continued down his neck. He let his body open up, throwing his head back as Light's tongue traced his throat, dipping down into his collarbone and making him shiver.

" _Light..._ "

He couldn't think. For once, he didn't _want_ to think. All L knew right now was that he would never complain about limited edition Kitkat flavours being Japan-exclusive _ever_ again.

* * *

It turned out that they had ended up cuddling after all. Lying there flushed and panting, there was no hope of cooling down with their overheated bodies pressed together, but neither could care less. L was just about ready to fall asleep on the spot, contented with the knowledge that he wouldn't have to leave after all.

Light poked him. "Hey, is that your phone?"

L blearily glanced over at the side of the room where his jeans had been flung to, now crumpled in a heap. There was a muffled, angry buzzing coming from the pocket.

"Ah, shit," he grumbled to himself. For a second he thought he heard Light laugh to himself and turned around, confused, before he realised he'd just said that in English.

"Light, I'm both far too cranky and wearing far too few clothes to be Japanese right now. You'll have to hold on," he sighed as he rolled off the bed and headed over to find his phone. Realising something, however, he looked back over at the other. "...You can probably tell that the decision I made earlier wasn't exactly the most sensible one. There is somebody very unhappy with me to whom I will have to explain what I've done." L scratched at his head absentmindedly as he noticed his shirt underneath the wardrobe. How had it gotten there...? "And... I still have to catch that flight. Eventually."

Light sat up, suddenly deep in thought. L decided that he very much preferred his hair in its current messed-up state. He then looked over at L, but seemed hesitant to speak for a second. "...And is me being on it an option?"

L smiled, and Light's eyes lit up like the sun. "It is."


	5. Version 2 P2

**Credit to 'misa's wife' for giving me the idea of having misa getting roped into cuddling L + them arguing!  
Also, decided to seriously tone down misa's third-person thing since it doesn't really get translated into English and just kinda looks weird after a while.  
**

* * *

As Light made his way into the office the next day, nice and bright and early, he was more than delighted to see the _(now-replaced)_ white laptop sitting in its usual place, displaying its all-seeing blank screen and gothic letter.

But oh, no. No good mornings today. Instead Light merely sauntered past, pausing only for a moment to glance aside and stare that letter right in the face as he grinned wickedly from ear to ear - before casually heading over to his desk and sitting down as if nothing had happened, reasonably confident in the knowledge that the world's three greatest detectives was now trying to find a clean pair of pants.

Revenge was a dish best served cold, and it was time to set the table.

It didn't take long for the room to fill up. Well, if the numbers they had could be said to fill a room – originally there had been many people working here, but L made sure to steadily weed out the uncooperative or unmotivated ones, and there were fewer than twelve of them here in total at the moment. Not that it had mattered in how far the case progressed anyhow, seeing as he and Light were the main reason it had got anywhere in the first place.

Light observed his surroundings over the bridge of his hands. Everyone was settled. L would make his address soon.

But not if _he_ got there first, of course.

"L has something important to announce today."

Met with confused, yet intrigued looks, Light allowed himself a small smile before continuing, noting the silence from the monitor. "Isn't that right? I believe it was something everyone needed to know…" he lowered his voice, smile widening to a grin. "...About _us._ "

Amazingly, not a single splutter. The confusion from earlier more-or-less remained, though Aizawa may have been giving him a strange look in the back there. And of course, that nice, audible silence from the screen. Not long enough to sate Light's ego, it turned out, but long enough to give it a taste of things to come.

L must have replied as quickly as possible, and it was lucky he had his voice distorter to cover for him. "Yes. Light-kun and I have made a breakthrough in this case."

The room seemed to visibly deflate. Well, couldn't have that, now, could we?

Light nodded at the screen, looking around at everyone before replying casually. "We did it together, you see."

He could've sworn Watari just twitched.

"Yes," L added. "After a lot of discussion –"

"—All _night_ long—"

"—We reached a conclusion."

Well, that was how to make a room of people break eye contact with you in less than a minute. The unspoken plea - _Don't say it -_ was lodged in the wrinkled brows of ten stressed middle-aged men as they all determinedly stared at the walls.

"...Speaking of Yagami-kun in fact, before I go on, I'd just like to let him know what his job for the rest of today is."

* * *

Somewhere, rainforests were weeping. Forests were sighing. Shrubs were sobbing. Light, however, was mostly indifferent towards the gigantic stacks of paperwork now lining his desk.

It was all worth it. In fact, a mind-numbing task like this would give him plenty of time to think upon his next act of righteous vengeance.

"Psst."

 _Oh, wonderful. Not you. Not now. Can't you see I'm clearly scheming?_

Matsuda must have been trying his hardest to be quiet and inconspicuous as he nudged Light by the arm from where he was sitting next to him. "Hey, I think that thing worked! You really seem a lot more relaxed now, Yagami-kun! Did it help after all?"

 _If by 'help', you mean piss me off to an inhuman degree, then sure!_ Light forced himself to be polite as he replied. "You know what, Matsuda? It really did. I _am_ a lot calmer now, aren't I?"

"Not punching laptops anymore…" Aizawa deadpanned across from them.

"Yes, we've moved on," Light agreed pleasantly.

And then it came to him.

"Light-kun? Hey, Light-kun? You okay? You started smiling and it was… uh, kinda creepy."

"Oh. What do you mean, Matsuda? It's just that I realised something. You see, since that cuddle therapy service helped me so much…"

Light pulled his phone out, picturing the face of Hell inside his mind, and began typing up a message.

"…I think I may recommend it to somebody I know."

After finishing it, he hit _send_ with a grin.

* * *

Miles away and hours later, a phone started ringing.

L paid it no mind, only vaguely tuning in as he heard Watari answer and start talking to whoever was on the other end. The creamers he was currently trying to stack into a tower were much more interesting. It wasn't until the other walked over and addressed him directly that he bothered to pay attention.

"Just as we expected, the fake number you set up received a call."

L glanced over his shoulder. "I fail to see why you are mentioning this to me."

Watari smiled.

Oh no. He wasn't supposed to do that. That never meant anything good.

L turned around in his chair hesitantly to see his custodian standing there holding the spare phone.

"You're meeting with, or should I say _cuddling_ with one miss Amane Misa at two thirty tomorrow afternoon."

"No I'm not."

"You'd stand a lady up?"

L's eye twitched as he bit the end of his thumb in irritation. "How about some answers, please?"

Watari flipped the phone shut. "You want to know why? Simply because it will be amusing."

"…I have a job, and that is not it."

"You got cake crumbs _everywhere_ in the car yesterday and I think need a good laugh, to be quite honest."

"This is an elaborate scheme concocted by none other than Light-kun himself and –"

"—and he fell into yours, so now you're going to fall into his. All things said, it'll be nice for you to get out a bit more for once. Have fun."

* * *

L cursed himself too late as he found the jam tart waiting for him on the washing machine he'd gone to try and hide behind.

* * *

 _Just what have I gotten myself into? Or, more accurately, just what have I been gotten into?  
_

But then again, it had been his bright idea to set up this silly act in the first place; it had just happened to come back and bite him in the ass.

There was no way of knowing what to expect as L heard the knock at the apartment door. He nearly fell over as the door flung open and smacked him in the face, revealing the suddenly-apprehensive young lady standing there.

She looked around for a few seconds, not seeing him behind the door until he awkwardly walked out into the open and closed it without comment.

So this was Amane Misa. Though she may have appeared somewhat unassuming standing there right now, with her dyed pigtails and wide blue circle lenses, L had to remind himself that Light chose to send her for one purpose, and that was presumably to make his life Hell. Unintentionally slamming the door in his face had been a good start, at least. In any case, he couldn't afford to let his guard down.

Misa jumped and stepped back, lodging one hand in her bag and narrowing her eyes. "Who are you? Is this the wrong room?"

L deliberated what to do for a moment. Going along with it and saying yes would be like admitting defeat - if Light hadn't backed down from the challenge he issued, then why should he do the same? At least, hopefully he wouldn't be regretting that thought process later.

"No," L murmured, walking over a little closer. "You're in the right place. I am Ryuga. Light-kun told you about me, right?"

Misa gave him a once-over, blinking in disbelief. "Y…You? You're sure here...?" She grumbled under her breath, "He didn't sign me up for a creepy pervert..."

L blinked in response to this, tilting his head. "What _were_ you signed up for?"

"S...Someone who was supposed to be better looking than you, weirdo! You're not going anywhere near me! You're in this job just so you can grope lots of women, right?"

 _Pyjama shirts are comfy. Shoes are not comfy. What exactly about this means that I molest people? This is why I don't try to 'get out' more often, Watari._

"Well, it seems you were prepared not to mind were I more attractive to you."

"That's not the point! Perv!"

"I can show you my license."

Misa clutched her bag. "Don't try anything weird! I have mace!"

L pinched at the bridge of his nose. "Look, are you here for your appointment or not?" He was prepared to go and get a cup of tea if this was going to go on for as long as it was.

"You think I'll let you go anywhere near me?"

"Why are you here in the first place if you don't want anybody near you?"

Misa's fingers fiddled with her hair as she looked up at the ceiling with a frown."…Well, I did need someone to kinda... talk to…"

"I understand you're acquainted with Yagami-kun."

Misa blushed, laughing. "Oh, but I just don't know how to talk to him about it!"

"And that would be because?"

Misa went over and flopped down on a couch, grabbing a pillow and snuggling her face into it with a worried expression. "What should I dooo…"

L decided to head over to her, leaning on the edge of the couch. "About?"

"Light!" Misa sighed wistfully, smiling into the pillow. "How am I gonna get him to date me already?"

L froze.

Surely he had nothing to worry about, right…?

...Why exactly did Light happen to have this girl's number again?

"Ask?"

"I _haaave!_ Oh, you don't know anything!" Misa huffed, rolling around angrily.

L chewed at his thumb, peering down at her. "You've picked out baby names already, haven't you?"

"We're going to have three beautiful little girls and a boy." Misa stopped rolling and blinked, going red again and chucking her pillow at L's face. "…So shut up!"

The pillow hit him with a thump and fell down, and he remained impassive. "If I do, then it will be very hard for me to counsel you."

"Ew. I'm not touching you." Misa sat up and folded her arms, sticking her tongue out childishly. "Even that pillow probably has your nasty germs all over it. I bet you have gross hidden cameras everywhere so you can see up my skirt! Perv!"

"Well, it was you who decided to stay. You're also the one paying here."

Misa sighed. "Fair enough. Okay, but it's so completely stupid! He keeps saying he doesn't wanna go out with me but I know he doesn't mean it! How do I make him realise he totally loves me? Like, straight away!"

L blinked at her. "Straight?"

"Huh?"

"You might want to rethink that."

"…What?"

"What?"

Misa jumped up. "Hey, what are you trying to say?!"

L tilted his head to the side. "Oh. If you think I meant something strange, there's no need to worry. Light-kun is the straightest person I know."

Misa narrowed her eyes.

"My name is Light Yagami and I am not a fruitcake," L said in his best possible Light impression. It was pretty convincing, because Misa perked up, flushing instantly.

"Okay, he'd never say that, obviously, but oh my god! You sounded just like him!" Her eyes were starry. L was caught off guard as Misa lunged at him out of nowhere and knocked him onto his back on the couch before enveloping him in a boa constrictor death grip.

L choked and tried to calm himself down, still as stone. He'd almost kicked her out of instinct, but quickly ended up going into error screen mode and was trying hard to stay calm.

 _Well... at least you're getting some tits out of this - okay, no, don't get too excited about that or she_ **will** _try and mace you this time._

"I'll cuddle you, but only if you pretend to be Light, okay?

"Well, if it helps you fulfill your delusional fantasies, Misa-san."

Misa yanked at his hair. "Hey! Are not!"

"Ah. I apologize. I need to get into character." L cleared his throat before continuing. "Misa, honey…"

Misa giggled and nuzzled into his chest. "Yeees? What does Misa's knight need to say?"

Alright. Solid 8 or not, Light would never put up with puns that terrible. At least that fear could take its leave now.

"Well, it's about us. I know we've been engaged for a while now, and I have something important to ask you…"

Luckily L now had first-hand recent experience of how Light sounded when sheepish and flustered… something that would formerly have been, well, hard to come by.

Misa squeezed him slightly, excited. "What? What is it?" she asked, eyes shut tight, undoubtedly so she didn't have to break her immersion with the wake-up call of L's unsightly mug.

"Well… I've been thinking… it's important, and it's going to change our lives forever."

Misa clung on tightly, stifling a squeal. "Aaaaah! Say it alreadyyy! Sayitsayitsayit! You know I'll say yes!"

"…Misa, I can't see you anymore. There's someone else."

Misa's eyes snapped open. "WHAT?! Hey, no! You can't say that!" She let go, sitting up and balling her fists on her hips.

L continued, impression not faltering even for a second. "There was one significant problem in our relationship that I just couldn't overlook. You're... a girl. I'm sorry."

Fuming, Misa shoved another pillow into his face and jumped off the couch. "Stop it already! Misa's Light isn't gay, you weird pervert! Hey, I bet you're just jealous because you want him all to yourself! That must be it! You're a weird _gay_ pervert! That's why you never got a boner when I hugged you!"

...That one was admittedly down to luck.

L removed the pillow from his face and casually sat up. He was really wanting that cup of tea sometime soon. "We're friends, actually." _Well, we could have been, maybe..._

Misa laughed. "Pff! Friends? Yeah, right! Light would just get frustrated trying to put up with someone like you!"

"It's true that I proved to frustrate Light-kun quite considerably in our last meeting, but not in the way Misa-san was meaning."

Misa blinked.

L tilted his head.

"...What?"

"What?"

* * *

"Oh. The session went fine, if that's what you were asking about. No, it's just that I've currently locked myself in the bathroom and I'm not sure if she's stopped throwing furniture around yet - it's kind of quiet right n - ...oh. Anyway, Watari, could you please do me a favour and stop me the next time I decide to impersonate a cuddle therapist on a whim? Thank you."

 ** _Slam._**

"...Ah. That was the door. Finally."


End file.
